So it's been a little over two months since I announced the fact my book will be in print. It's been fairly quiet since then. Well, my brain won't shut up. So not in that respect. I've discovered that as with most things, there is a process to go through after something like this happens. Something so wonderful and huge and life-changing. I know I haven't talked much about it, but as you read on, you'll see why. Basically, because I don't have anything particularly coherent to say. Still.
At first - and I'm not quite sure it's worn off yet - I was just in a state of shock. Did this really happen? There has to be some kind of mistake. In the midst of all my euphoria, there was a small part of me that felt as if it was too good to be true, that the entire thing wouldn't happen. Don't get your hopes up, I secretly told myself. But the days went by, and there was no "Sorry, we realized your book isn't as good as we thought it was" or "Ha! Just kidding!" e-mails. The deal went up on Publisher's Marketplace. I told the world. Then I got the editorial letter. So... okay. It's happening.
Wow. It's really happening. Okay, so, this really did happen. (And this thought circles around in my brain until it becomes meaningless.) Okay. All I need to do now is focus on revisions and make this the best book it can possibly be. Nothing hard or complicated.
But then... I comprehend the truth of what I'm doing. I'm revising a book so everyone can read it. My mother. My friends. My professors. What if it isn't good enough? Yes, I'm still overjoyed. That doesn't stop the fear. It may seem melodramatic - believe me, I'm irritating myself with all these insecurities - but I think this is pretty normal. I hope it is. The intensity of this stage comes and goes.
Now, I haven't actually gotten here yet. This is where I want to be, this is where most authors get. I think, the closer I get to the book being out in the world, or maybe just as time passes, I'll reach it. The idea of people seeing my work - loving it or hating it - isn't something I will constantly wonder about. The feeling of unworthiness. I'll just be purely excited and content that this happened.
So there you have it. You all now know what the inside of my head looks like. It's embarrassing, a little, but it's real.
I hope you guys like the book! Guess we'll find out in eleven months or so.