Envy

Okay, so I'm going to admit something here. Ready? Are you sure? All right. Here it goes... I'm not perfect.

I can hear your shocked gasps. I know! But it's true. One of my friends recently landed a book deal, and although I was so happy for her, I couldn't deny the icky sensation of jealousy sliding through me as I read the announcement. I turned my head from the computer screen and noticed my reflection in a nearby mirror. Yes, my eyes had turned green.

I was immediately ashamed. My friend had worked so hard and long! She deserved this. And I wasn't lying when I expressed my joy for her. But I couldn't deny that bright green looking back at me. I wrestled with it. This wasn't the first time it had happened. I tried to banish the monster by telling myself that it would happen for me one day. That these people were great writers and it was so amazing that they had been recognized. So many other justifications and arguments that it became even more sickening.

After thinking long and hard on this, I came to a conclusion that helps me deal. And it's this: jealousy is natural. It doesn't mean that we are selfish, or immature, or a bad friend. It just makes us human. It doesn't have to be one or the other; I can be happy for my friend and a little bit jealous of her. Hey, we have the same dream, and she achieved it before me. It's like sitting by the Christimas tree and watching your sister unwrap the gift you'd been hoping to get.

So I will admit to it without shame. Ready? Are you sure? All right, here it goes... I get jealous.